jobs I’d like to have when I grow up

(I’ve been thinking of list after list since reading over at Mighty Girl about her things to do before she dies/things to remember when she dies.)

 

1. Author.  I’d love to curl up at my laptop all day, drinking endless cups of coffee, pounding out a cheesy romance novel with some hulking, shirtless guy on the cover.  He would be the Duke of Something and be all manly and macho and slightly forceful with the feisty heroine, who is unsexy until Duke Something comes along and uncovers her hotness. 
2. Editor.  Because I love correcting grammar and punctuation and spelling and sentence flow and all that (how’s that for sentence flow, BTW?)  And nothing ruins a good book like bad grammar or a change in tense.  I really think editing is half the novel in some cases.  Also, reading for a job sounds lovely.
3. Shopkeeper.  I want to own my own tiny gift-type shop, the kind that you walk in and exclaim at all the weird and lovely things that you would love to gift to everyone you know.  I would have strange old-fashioned tin toys, and antique little gee-gaws and unusual bejeweled items and lovely paper and maybe some fancy soaps in gifty boxes.  I would play ethnic music all day and be friends with the coffee shop or bookstore owner next door and we would hang out and drink macchiatos all day at one shop or the other, and I would give fantastic Xmas gifts.
4. Barista.  Because I heart Starbucks passionately and want to learn how to make macchiatos the Starbucks way.
5. Bartender/waitress – two jobs I’ve always thought it was weird that I never had.  Isn’t everyone a waitress at some point in high school or college?  And bartending appeals to me so much, maybe because I love the idea I have that low-cut tops equal more tips (and we know I love showing off my boobs) and I could also learn to  mix drinks, which is a good real-life skill to have.
6. Prenatal yoga teacher.  I really plan to do this one.  Once I have more time and disposable income, I’m going to become certified.  Then I’m going to start having free classes for low-income pregnant women, because they are so marginalized by society.  You go to WIC and they treat you like you’re one step from the crack pipe, or like because you are poor you are stupid.  I hated that about being a welfare momma.  I want to help those women do something that makes them feel good and whole within their bodies, that makes them realize how freaking worthwhile and amazing they really are.  Yoga helps you get in touch with your muscles and your bones and your mind all at once, and I think that I was so utterly lucky to have a mom who paid for me to take it while I was pregnant – I think it helped my pregnancy and birth experience so much and I want to share that with other people who don’t have anyone to buy it for them.  Yoga is becoming such a rich white-bread hobby, and it shouldn’t be – it should be something anyone can benefit from, even if they can’t shell out $150 a month to some fancy studio.
7. Librarian.  Hmmm, bookish theme, here, no?  But I’ve always wanted, from when I was little, to work in a library.  That would just be such a great culmination of a dream.  A bookstore would be good, too, but there is something about libraries that just amazes me.  We live in a world where the library is one of the few amazing free things left – where you can go get a book, a movie, a CD, a magazine, whatever, for free; and you can go listen to story time with your kid, get a museum pass, see somebody juggle or do magic tricks or talk about owls or show a movie about Kwanzaa; all of it free and right there and open to everyone in your community.  Libraries, to me, are fucking empowering.
8. Woman of leisure.  No, actually, I don’t know if I could really handle that.  I think that I would truly get bored unless I had a lot of leisure activities planned out for my day.  Sitting around doing nothing appeals for a few days, then I get tired of it and want to go out and DO something.  For someone as slacker as I am, I really do like to work and I have a work ethic.  Sort of.  I guess me writing this at work kind of makes that a hypocritical statement, though.